You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
