when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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