omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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