pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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