people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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