Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
