took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
