We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
