Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize