you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
