he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
