is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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