The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
