I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
