New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
