Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
