the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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