U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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