one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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