I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize