Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
