if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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