Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
