I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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