I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
