i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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