So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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