Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
