Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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