we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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