It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize