I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
