8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
