she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
