Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
