in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
