just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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