i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
a search helicopter?!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
