There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
