dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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