he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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