Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
