i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there is glitter all over my balls
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