Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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