dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
