I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
