and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
