these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
