i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
