it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
