New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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