The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
