He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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