On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
