Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
