you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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