too bad you live with your parents still
you would pick up someone in the library
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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