you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
