Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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