Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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