Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Drunk is not a location!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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