Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
