her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize