wake up i wanna do it froggy style
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
