her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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