I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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