I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
