At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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