I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
