I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
