her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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