I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
