There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
