I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
