I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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