just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
