you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
