I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
