New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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