just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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