I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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