just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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