3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
