Please, let me fuck your mom
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
