his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
