its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
