Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Never underestimate the power of titties
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