Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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