Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
