Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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