Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
