WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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