You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
