I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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