dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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