she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize