If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
