you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
