that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Randomize
