It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
