I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize