How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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