also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize