If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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