we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
