when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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