He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
