she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
