I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
