that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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